Quiet Time!!

This week I had an article published, which is directed at Early Years Practitioners. But it is also very applicable to parent's, so hopefully you will find it useful, would love your comments!!

As Early Years Practitioners you have the opportunity to make a huge difference in a child’s life in many ways. Think about how you can shape a child’s whole future if they come into nursery disruptive and misbehaving but leave to go to school eager to learn and well behaved. It is possible to transform any child’s behaviour with the right approach and by remembering that a child’s behaviour is shaped by their thoughts, which means that if you want positive behaviour you have to encourage children to have positive thoughts and feel good about their selves.

This leaves you with a daily challenge of using only positive techniques that really work and are proven to bring out the best in all children. Here is one very effective positive way to promote good behaviour in your childcare setting which will have a long lasting positive effect on every child.

‘QUIET TIME’.

Quiet time, is a perfect time for children to just sit quietly and calm down and it helps you to simply get on with your work with minimum disruption. A child can be taken to quiet time without the whole class knowing and it is most effective when you simply, quietly and calmly walk up to a child and ask them to come to quiet time.

Quiet time is not to be confused with the naughty spot or naughty chair. There is a different negative feeling to being on the naughty spot, than there is to having quiet time. The naughty chair implies that the child is naughty, which is of course negative and unhelpful. Quiet time is not about making a child feel bad but an opportunity for a child to be taken out of a disruptive situation and as a consequence for unwanted behaviour. This way you are far more likely to end unwanted behaviour rather than temporarily distracted a child from it.

• Rules of quiet time
Let the children know the rules before you need to use quiet time for the first time. Pick a good time to introduce it and let the children know that there is no more naughty spot (if you use it) but that they will have quiet time if they are misbehaving. Here are some rules that you can tell the children about quiet time.

Children’s rules of quiet time; 3-9 year olds
1. You will have to go to quiet time if you misbehave
2. You will stay in quiet time for 4 minutes (one minute per year old)
3. Quiet time means that you will have to sit in a chair by the teacher or standing or sitting by them when we are outside
4. Quiet time starts when you are sitting quietly
5. If you start to make a fuss, talk, or leave quiet time, the time starts again when you are sitting still again
6. You can leave quiet time when the teachers say it is time You are not to talk to anyone when you are in quiet time

Quiet time for 18 month -3 year olds

Very young child can benefit from quiet time although they will not remember or understand rules so will need to use it where appropriate and will not be able to have explained the rules as such beforehand. You will only need to use it as a last resort and sparingly to help a child calm down by sitting by you for a short time.

Practitioners rules for quiet time

1. Use quiet time when children will not comply with the nursery rules and you have used a fitting consequences but the behaviour is persisting.
2. Quiet time is on a chair or on the floor next to you
3. Quiet time is for 1 minute for every year of their lives and it starts from when they are sitting still and quiet. (be accurate on this and make sure you time it, if you want it to be effective)
4. When in quiet time don’t give the child attention
5. Quiet time needs to be used consistently for unwanted behaviour. You may find you are using it several times a day at first, but this will become less frequent as the children begin to adjust to your new rules and positive actions.
6. If a child tries to leave quiet time or gets upset, take their hand and put them back into quiet time, for the first time you can say, you need to sit in quiet time, but anytime after that don’t speak to them, just take them back to quiet time.
7. When quiet time is over you can tell the child that quiet time has finished and add, “thank you for sitting nicely”. Then direct them to what you want them to do, which may be to do what you asked them before they went into quiet time.

So remember that quiet time is all about keeping a positive relationship with the children because this way you will bring out a child’s natural desire to please you. It gives you a chance to promote good behaviour and show children by example how you want them to behave.


Please contact me for details of staff training days and parent courses at childbehaviour@aol.com and go to the Child Behaviour website for more details; http://bit.ly/CBD1DAY

Happier Kids Now expo for free!

The happier kids now expo is full of helpful tips for parent's and teachers on how to help children to grow up happier. Join in now for free, I really think you willbe glad you did :)

Let me know Ruth

Tips on motivating young children to be active listeners

Here are some really useful ideas from a friend of mine of how to motivate young children to be active listeners, thanks Kakie for the great tips.

Kakie is co-creator and author for the popular Bur Bur and Friends children's book series. Bur Bur and Friends uses a cast of multicultural characters who educate kids about sports, outdoor exploration and active play through first time experiences.

As a mom it is really hard sometimes to pick your battles. (“How many times do I have to ask you to put your shoes on before you actually do it?”). Here are some strategies that seem have been successful for me. Hopefully they will work for you too.
1. I went to a local craft store,bought some brightly colored tag board and created a chart. Every time my son listens or helps, we put a sticker on the board. When the board gets full he gets a treat or toy. What is important here is that kids tie the good behavior to a reward that makes them feel good with positive reinforcement.
2. I also picked up a notebook and said to my son, “I think you are really creative. What would you think if we created a list of family rules in our house? Wouldn’t that be a great idea?” He responds with a yes and then I say, ” I need your help. What do you think they should be?” This gets buy in (with a little coaching).
Once we finished I said, “Wow – you are really good at this! So now, we both agree that these are our family rules? Remember, you created them, so do we agree moving ahead we will stick to them? Can we shake hands on that, Great! Lets sign it together! “(you may need to repeat this 4-5 times).
I took everything he said and turned it into a positive statement, had him sign the paper and explained what the signing meant (a promise or a contract). So for example, if he said, “Don’t complain”, I changed it to “We always help family without being asked.”
When he began acting up by not listening, I would point to the refrigerator where the rules were posted and calmly say, “Hmmmm, do you think that one is part of the family rules? Remember what it meant when we signed it? Don’t forget, you made those family rules all by yourself.”
It is also important to brag about the rules list in front of family and friends in front of him ‘Johnny made up a list of rules for our house, isn’t that terrific?’ Then say ‘What do you think we need to do to make sure we are following the rules?” Can we pretend this never happened and try to do it again using the rules? What would that look like?…
It’s brilliant – they come up with the answers and you look like a shining star. I believe our kids want to please us. This is especially true when we are giving them positive reinforcement.
Don’t forget to keep those rules up on the refrigerator!!
Here is the rules list for our family:
a. We say nice words and are kind
b. We listen and pay attention
c. We cooperate and work together like a friend
d. We always do what is right
e. We respect what we have
f. We express our feelings
g. We encourage each other
h. We laugh, make funny jokes and always give hugs and kisses
i. We talk in a respectful tone
j. We use our words, ask for what we need
k. Always tell the truth and be honest
l. Be thankful
m. We help family without being asked
n. We use constructive criticism
o. We separate the person from the behavior (he is too young to get this now, but as he grows he will come to understand what that means).

By Kakie Fitzsimmons, Vice President and founding partner, Farmer’s Hat Productions co-author Bur Bur and Friends book series, catch up with Kakie at http://burburandfriends.com/

Take care Ruth

How do you want your children to behave?

Do you find that the more your child misbehaves the more you think about it and the more you think about it the worse it gets?  Then it's time to take a step back and think about how you really want your child to behave.

By taking the time to regularly think about how you would like your child to behave you will find yourself focusing more on their good behaviour and encouraging more of that. 

It is vital that you pay more attention to how you would like your children to behave because children will do more of what they get attention for and by thinking about how you would like your child to behave you will start to ask yourself the right questions about how you can get your child to behave in that way. 

For example, if you feel that your child is unco-operative and never helps you out and you would like your child to be more co-operative and helpful, stop saying to yourself my child is unco-operative and never helps me out and start to ask yourself,

"How can I get my child to be more co-operative and helpful?"

This way you will start to come up with the answers you need.

You can start to think about how you want your child to behave by making a list of 5 behaviours you don't like and making them into a positive statement instead like the one above.

For example,

I hate my child moaning and crying to get what they want

Change it into a positive...

I want my child to ask nicely for what they want

Now think of ways that you can encourage this behaviour

• Only let them have what they want if they ask nicely
• Don't give into their crying and tantrums
• Praise them when they ask nicely
• ............add more ideas

By focusing on the behaviour that you want from your child, your mind will look for the answers of how to get it.  Give it a try and let me know how you get on..

If you like this idea and would like more, you can find a comprehensive guide to your child's behaviour in my book;
'A Parent's Guide to Children's Behaviour', which you can download instantly at http://tinyurl.com/yds3gqq

Best wishes Ruth

6 Massive reasons not to criticise your children

‘Don’t expect troubles as they have a tendency not to disappoint’

Napoleon Hill

6 massive reasons not to criticise your children!

Have you ever been critical of your children in the hope that you will get them to behave the way you want them to? I saw this in action the other day when a mother was in the shops with her children and she shouted at her son saying, ‘What did you do that for? Can’t you see everyone looking at you thinking how horrible you are’?

Being critical just seems to be universally accepted within our society and yes we all must have done it and certainly been on the receiving end of it, yet if people gave some thought to just how damaging criticism is, I am sure more people would think twice about doing it. At least I hope so.

6 reasons not to criticise your children;

1 Being critical of children can lead to long term emotional damage, and can be the cause of phobias, compulsive behaviours, inferiority complexes, nervousness and amongst other things, cause children to be self conscious.

2 Children who are perpetually criticised are likely to grow up afraid to use their initiative, be self critical, lack ambition and have little confidence in their own abilities and self worth.

3 Being critical is negative and all negative thoughts and actions attract negative thoughts and actions back

4 Criticism will not bring out the best in our children, or encourage a loving affectionate relationship, but it will make them feel resentful

5 They are likely to grow up very critical of others particularly behind their back and blame others for their mistakes, making them reluctant to learn from their own mistakes.

6 Children may grow up to be over extravagant, over spending to try to feel as good or better than other people.

You can see that children growing up with these sorts of emotions and hangups are going to find true happiness very hard to find, Children are also likely to misbehave as a reaction to the negativity that they feel.

You may find yourself justifying your criticism by saying things such as ‘Yes but he was behaving really badly’. Yet if we remember it is always destructive to be critical and that it blocks us from getting what we want we may think better of it.

So what can you do instead? go to http://tinyurl.com/yds3gqq

Ruth xxxxx

10 essential tools to improve your child's behaviour!

If you really want to change your child’s behaviour it’s easy with the right approach. The following 10 essential tools are sure to help you to get from where you are to where you want to be with your child.

1. Have a big enough reason to change

Do you know that if your child had behaviour problems, they are more likely to be unhappy, underachieve and not reach their full potential? Not only that, they are going to be more prone to depression and have troubled relationships in life. Is that a big enough reason to do something about your child’s unwanted behaviour right now! If not then think about the stress that your child’s behaviour causes in your household and how fantastic it would be to end that stress and live the life you want with your family!

2. Focus on the solution

Do you feel like your child’s unwanted behaviour is all you can see in them? Do you feel like you talk and complain about it a lot? The best way to improve your child’s behaviour is to stop focussing on the problem and focus on the solution. You can do this by following rule 3.

3. Use the right parenting strategies

Parenting success is not rocket science you just need to follow tried and tested methods that really work. If you use well intentioned advice from relatives and friends or professionals that improves the situation in the short term but you find it is not curing your child’s unwanted behaviour in the long term and making it worse you need some better parenting strategies.

4. Learn all you can

Why is it, that in today’s society, it is more accepted and easier to join a foreign language course than to it is to take a parenting course? Start helping yourself and other parents by taking a step to making seeking parenting help the norm After all what’s the harm in saying yes I took a parenting course or read a great parenting book and now my children behave really well!

5. Make a plan

By taking steps to learn all you can about your child’s behaviour and proven parenting strategies you can make a plan of action about how you are going to turn things around. If you are going to commit to improving your child’s behaviour you need to have a solid plan so that you know what you are gong to do when your child objects to your new ideas and tries to convince you that you don’t know what you are talking about!

6. Get support

You can make the whole process of improving your child’s behaviour so much easier if you have support around you of like minded people. Just think how great it would be to be able to contact someone who is going to be supportive, positive and helpful in your hour of need.

7. Stay on track

How many times have you started a project, been determined to see it through and found that you get side tracked distracted and never really put the effort in that that you needed to? Yes we have all don it, but by always keeping in mind your reasons to change you can help yourself to stay on track and see the results that you want.

8. Stay positive

By staying positive you can feel happier and more able to cope with your child’s behaviour. If you are taking the advice of these tools you can be sure you are doing the right thing which should help you to feel and stay positive.

9. Be consistent

It stands to reason that consistency is key to improving children’s behaviour. Children who do not know the boundaries rules and consequences of their behaviour will get confused, push their luck and test you constantly to see how far they can go.

10. Know that you have the most influence on your child’s behaviour.

As their parent you have the most influence in your child’s behaviour. This is great because it means that you have the power to improve your child’s behaviour all you have to do is to make a few changes to what you are doing and bingo you will have them eating out of your hand, so to speak!

To make your plan of action and change your child's behaviour for the better go to; http://tinyurl.com/yds3gqq

Take care Ruth
please leave your comments below it's great to talk with you!

How to stay a Positive Parent

How to Stay a Positive Parent!

How to stay a Positive Parent and why it is vital if you want to improve your child's behaviour.! 

In today’s uncertain world you can find yourself in a very negative state and even though you know that it is not helpful, we just don’t know what to do about it. If you have watched ‘The secret’, ‘Beyond the Secret’ or are familiar with the law...s of Attraction and Bob Proctor you will know that you MUST stay positive in order to attract positive things to you and live the life you wish for. Never the less this can often seem very hard to do, especially when you are having a difficult time and it can feel like your mind is spinning out of control with negative thoughts. It is important not to allow yourself to indulge in these negative thoughts as they can be addictive and your mind can become like a bed off weeds if left unattended and open to these negative influences and thoughts.

Realising that negative thoughts are contributing to the problem and will never bring you success, you will hopefully be committed to staying in a positive mindset to help you live a happier life. If however like me, you find it difficult to always stay in a positive, you may like some tips on how on how to do this. The answer to staying positive is easier than you think, although it will take practice and persistence to do, just like most things. You have to build up your ability and get emotionally stronger at it. You have to plant good thoughts and turn your mind onto good things.

You can do this by appreciating the things around you, being grateful for what you already have will attract more good things to you. Appreciate things you may take for granted like, your health, your children, your car, your family, your food, pets, job, clothes, anything that makes you feel good. Take time out to go and look at the wonderful world of nature, admire the flowers, grass, birds and sky. Feel the peace in nature that is always there around you to see when ever you want to. This will move your mind onto more positive things.

Saying ‘thank you’, is a good thought and is simple to do. As you can only think one thought at a time, by looking for positive things and the good in as much as you can, you will override negative thoughts and attract more good into your life. As mentioned in the Secret, You can use any object to trigger your thoughts onto positive things such as a “gratitude rock”, which you place in your pocket and each time that you put your hands in your pocket and feel it, you will be reminded to think of something that you are grateful for.

This really helps you to steer your mind onto good things and keep you focussed on the positive. These ideas will help you when you need to get back into a positive mindset. You will see improvements if you train yourself to make positive thinking a habit in your daily life. The more good thoughts you can plant today, the faster your life will be changed for the better. So look for the positive in your child's behaviour if you want to see positive changes.

For daily help in staying positive Bob is the master http://tinyurl.com/kowo4t you might like to check him out:)