Teach your child social skills in four easy steps.

I am sure every parent wants their children to have good social skills, but what are social skills, how do we go about teaching them and why should you bother?

Social skills that children really need to learn in order to get along better with everyone include;

·         Turn taking

·         Praising

·         Asking for help

·         Using quiet voices where appropriate

·         Saying kind things

·         Waiting their turn

·         Listening

·         Resolving conflicts

·         Working as a team

·         Sharing

·         Getting along with friends

·         Patience

Sometimes a child will behave badly because they don’t have the skills to cope with everyday social interactions and if they can’t share their toys or wait their turn, tantrums and arguments can occur.  If you think your child could do with improving their social skills here are 4 steps.

1 Choose and discuss the skill you want to improve, “I would like you to share your toys because it is a friendly thing to do”.

2. Give instructions or guidance, If you see your child starting to get angry about not wanting to share, you can get involved in the game by saying something like, “Diane would like to have a go in the car, please let her have 2 goes round the track while you go on the scooter, then you can have it back for 2 goes round the track”.

3. Practice makes perfect, Keep practicing as often as you can to promote sharing and model it in your behaviour. For example asking someone else if they would like a turn on the swing/bike/ see-saw etc……

4. Praise or consequence, if you see them sharing remember to praise them, if they will not, they need some kind of consequence.

Children who have good social skills are able to get along with other children theywill feel happier and be confident which will have a positive effect on their behaviour.

Please check out my new Parent’s Guide to Children’s Behaviour course dates http://bit.ly/CDBCOURSE

Ruth :)

One great tip to easily improve children's behaviour

I was just talking to a parent who is taking my course about ignoring their child’s tantrums and it reminded me of a 4 year old girl that attended the nursery where I worked.  When she arrived at nursery she would throw herself on the floor and scream and cry in the clock room in a very dramatic fashion in probably the worst way I had seen before. But it wasn’t just when she arrived at nursery that was the problem, as she would also throw herself on the floor at times when she did not want to do something such as tidy up or do activities she didn’t like. This behaviour had to stop so I decided that as well as ignoring the tantrum I would start to teach her exactly what I wanted from her, after all I really think she didn’t know how else to behave. 

So at the end of the day at nursery I sat down with her and gave her direct instructions for coming to nursery the next morning. I explained that I wanted her to come into nursery smiling and happy to see her friends, I said that when she gets to nursery, that she was to come and sit by me in the book corner (where I took the register) and sit in the chair that I will have waiting for her next to me. I told her that she would feel happier if she came to nursery ready to play with her friends and she shyly looked at me with her fingers in her mouth, smiled and nodded in approval.

I then told then her mum of my plans and we arranged that she would bring her daughter to sit by me in the book corner in the morning, instead of leaving her in the cloak room.

When the next day arrived I was ready and waiting as arranged and I took her hand from her mummy and showed her where to sit. I asked the little girl if she remembered what I had said about coming to nursery with a smile and she nodded in agreement managed a little smile and remarkably there was barely a sniffle from her.

I gave her lots of praise and encouragement and stickers and it was truly amazing how fast she settled into her new routine and within a few days she was walking up to her friends and chatting when she arrived.   She also responded really well when I directly asked her to be in charge of a certain job when it was tidy up time, which meant she was better behaved throughout the whole day as well.

So remember if your child is misbehaving use direct instructions and tell them exactly what you would like them to do and see the positive changes happen quickly.

For more tips download my book here

I was just talking to a parent who is taking my course about ignoring their child’s tantrums and it reminded me of a 4 year old girl that attended the nursery where I worked.  When she arrived at nursery she would throw herself on the floor and scream and cry in the clock room in a very dramatic fashion in probably the worst way I had seen before. But it wasn’t just when she arrived at nursery that was the problem, as she would also throw herself on the floor at times when she did not want to do something such as tidy up or do activities she didn’t like. This behaviour had to stop so I decided that as well as ignoring the tantrum I would start to teach her exactly what I wanted from her, after all I really think she didn’t know how else to behave. 

So at the end of the day at nursery I sat down with her and gave her direct instructions for coming to nursery the next morning. I explained that I wanted her to come into nursery smiling and happy to see her friends, I said that when she gets to nursery, that she was to come and sit by me in the book corner (where I took the register) and sit in the chair that I will have waiting for her next to me. I told her that she would feel happier if she came to nursery ready to play with her friends and she shyly looked at me with her fingers in her mouth, smiled and nodded in approval.

I then told then her mum of my plans and we arranged that she would bring her daughter to sit by me in the book corner in the morning, instead of leaving her in the cloak room.

When the next day arrived I was ready and waiting as arranged and I took her hand from her mummy and showed her where to sit. I asked the little girl if she remembered what I had said about coming to nursery with a smile and she nodded in agreement managed a little smile and remarkably there was barely a sniffle from her.

I gave her lots of praise and encouragement and stickers and it was truly amazing how fast she settled into her new routine and within a few days she was walking up to her friends and chatting when she arrived.   She also responded really well when I directly asked her to be in charge of a certain job when it was tidy up time, which meant she was better behaved throughout the whole day as well.

So remember if your child is misbehaving use direct instructions and tell them exactly what you would like them to do and see the positive changes happen quickly.

For more tips download my book, A Parent's Guide to Children's Behaviour here using paypal  http://bit.ly/hde2ig 

Best wishes

Ruth

If you use these ideas, please come back and let us know how you get on:)

School Morning Routines

I have been working with a parent this week who was finding getting out for school in the morning increasingly stressful with her three young children.  If you are having the same problem you may want to consider changing your morning routine as she has. This routine is suitable for children up to around 10 or 11 as they get older they need to be responsible more for themselves and can use alarm clocks and have a less structured routine.

I know when my son was young I had to make sure I had plenty of time in the mornings as he would get very stressed if he was rushed, woken up late or did not have some time to watch the TV or play before school.  To get some more time for everyone in the morning I decided to wake everyone half an hour earlier,  it worked so well you might like to try it....

Consider this routine although if you want to cross over the breakfast with getting dressed you can and adapt it to your time scales.  Make each day the same so that you all settle into a regular routine and it becomes second nature.

6.45

Time for you to get up

Or even earlier if you need or want to as the more time you have before they get up the easier it is for everyone if you are ready for action when they get up.

7.05

Children’s Wake Up Call

Go into their bedroom and say good morning it’s time to wake up and remind them they have to be up by 7.15 or in 10 minutes.  (My son always needed some wake up time in bed and if I just went back once or twice to say time to get up he would come round in his own time,)  You can take them a morning drink and leave it on the bedside table for them to encourage them to wake up)

7.15 

Time to get up

Go into their bedroom, open curtains or switch the light on and say morning time to get up now. If you get a lot of moaning just give some empathy, for example, yes its hard getting up when you want to sleep, or acknowledge that you know how they feel.

7.15-7.45

Free time

You can use this time to come round and wake up, it is nice to meet up in the living room and have a drink together and spend 10 minutes with them watching the TV or playing and talking. You can then get on with making the breakfast.

7.45

Get dressed and washed and brush their hair

If this is likely to take longer, then you can start at 7.40, it would be helpful if you were ready to supervise this and had all your attention on helping them, depending on their age and ability.

8.00

Breakfast, everyone come to the table to eat.

8.10

Clean teeth collect things ready for the day

8.20

Time to leave

Can you see how there is plenty of time to get ready for the morning and by adding some play/TV time you have some extra time if they are running late as happens from time to time.  Be a little flexible about the times a few minutes either way is not going to hurt as long as you are out of the door on time.

Don't forget to work as a team,  for example delegate sandwich making to your hubby or partner.

The night before is the time to do homework and get clothes and kit ready for school clean shoes and find all the socks and ties that can make you run late in the morning.

Remember to praise, praise, praise each time they do as they are asked and use rewards like sticker charts to encourage more good behaviour.

You must let everyone know about your new morning routine before you start, make it into a positive thing and write out the routine and post it on the fridge door or somewhere everyone can see.

If you like this info and would like more why not join me on the Parent's Guide to Children's Behaviour online or group courses. New dates are out now to hurry to secure your place http://bit.ly/CDBCOURSE 

Let me know what you think and how you get on.

All the best

Ruth

What sort of parent are you?

See what sort of parent you are AND WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW by answering the following questions in these 3 parts.

Part one

Do you have set rules that you follow with a degree of flexibility?

Do you spend time with your child on a regular basis?

Are you a good role model for your child?

Do you use consequences for unwanted behaviour?

Do you encourage your child to be independent?

Are you mindful to try to make your child feel good about their self?

Do you spend time with your child on a regular basis?

Do you encourage your child to try different things?

Do you feel positive about your child‟s behaviour and trust them to behave well in public?

Do you try to raise your child‟s self esteem?

Do you give praise when your child does something good?


Part 2

Are you overbearing to your child and try to be right all the time?

Do you shout at your child to get them to do what you want?

Do you belittle your child to try to get them to do what you want?

Do you shame or humiliate your child into submission?

Do you use physical punishments such a smacking to control your child‟s behaviour?

Do you get angry with your children?

Are you very critical of your child?

Do you seldom or never praise your child even when they behave well?

Do you find it hard to show affection?

Do you have strict routines and never compromise them?

Part 3

Do you give in to your child‟s demands just because you don‟t want to fight and lose again?

Do you ask your child to do something and not follow it up to make sure that they do it?

Do you say you will do something with your child and not keep your word?

Do you give your child age appropriate chores to do in the home?

Do you sit back and let the other parent try to handle your child‟s behaviour?

Do you use consequences for misbehaviour infrequently or never?

Does your child rule the roost?

Are you over indulgent with your child?

Do you give your child what they want even when they have been misbehaving?


Results;

Mostly part one;

You are a Positive Parent

Positive parents who have well behaved children expect their children to behave well,
Positive parents are sure that they can handle their children‟s behaviour and they have an air of confidence with their children, they are reliable, trustworthy and dependable and their children know where they stand with them. They keep their children safe and secure and nurture their spirit. They are good role models and inspire their children to learn about themselves and the world in which they live.

Mostly part two;

You are a Strict parent

Strict or authoritarian parents use punishments to try to deter misconduct, but this merely makes the child more cautious in committing his crime, more skilful in concealing his traces and more determined to escape detection. When a child is punished he will simply decide to be more careful not to get caught, and not to be more honest and responsible as we would hope. Strict parents use fear based, demeaning punishments such as smacking, which have no learning value in them and they make everyone feel bad.
 
Mostly part three;

You are a leinient parent.Lenient parents like most of us want a peaceful life and in order to try and get it they let their children, for the most part, do what ever they want in hope that they will grow out of the unwanted behaviour "soon". They are likely to have little structure to the day and have low standards for their children. They may tolerate childish behaviours or be overindulgent, giving the children too many things and attention regardless of their misbehaviour.

Find out why it is essential to be a positive parent if you want your child to behave well AND EXACTLY HOW TO DO IT in the 'A Parent's Guide to Children's Behaviour', Ebook, FIND OUT MORE http://bit.ly/PGCBBOOK

Best wishes

Ruth
Do you make rules and not keep them?

Child Behaviour Direct: Child Behaviour Course

Child Behaviour Direct: Child Behaviour Course

Child Behaviour Course

This Saturday 22^nd January my Parent’s Guide to Children’s Behaviour 1 day course is on in Stafford 9.30-4.00. It’s an essential guide for today’s modern parent!!

For more details and to book your place please visit the website…. http://bit.ly/efMXqz  or email me at childbehaviour@aol.com

Please let everyone know, email friends and send round this poster or print it out for your work place or nursery.  CBD Poster PDF.pdf

I don’t like sales talk; I’m no good at it, so why not just read what one happy mum said;

The course really helped me to think about how I approach the situation with my children. I realise that I do not follow through with my boys like I thought I did. Now when I say things to the boys they know I mean it and follow through with it. I am much calmer with them and the positive feedback given to them has been so beneficial. The help and tips that Ruth has given me have been very beneficial. I know that I am a better mom because of her advice and helpfulness!!" H.

I really hope to see you there.

Ruth

She pokes the baby in the eye!

 Hi,

Just before Christmas I wrote to everyone on my email list asking for their questions and I received some really good ones, here is one you may relate too.

One mum wrote;

Thank you for your email. Firstly could I have some advice on how to deal with my 2 1/2 year little girl, as she keeps on poking my baby girl of 3 months in the eye. And when she gets cross, she tips things over....! Could you please give me some tips on how to stop this behaviour!
 

My Reply;

Thanks for your question.  I have had many replies from parents of 2 1/2 year olds, it is definitely an age when young children are starting to push their boundaries and their luck and a really great time for parent's to set off on the right track with their children regarding handling their behaviour.

There are a few things to suggest with regards poking the baby in the eye;

• Depending on when it is happening, for example if you are feeding the baby and she is trying to get your attention, you could try a few things such as give her, her own doll to look after, I did this with my daughter when my son was born and she would get her doll and bath, feed or dress her baby alongside me when I was looking after my son, it worked a treat.
• Keep her busy and save a bag of interesting toys for her to play with at feeding time, changing time and tell her she can play with these toys while mummy feeds baby
• Sit her by you and read her a story while you feed the baby, this way if she is occupied when you are busy with the baby she is less likely to feel jealous and take it out on the baby.
• Praise her every time she is kind to the baby so that she feels good about the baby and encourage her to be kind and do little jobs like pass mummy the baby’s blanket. This way she will feel helpful and you have an opportunity to praise her. 
• If she is poking the baby when you are not looking, you are best to keep her away as much as you can and make sure she is not on her own with the baby.
• Use a consequence for the unwanted behaviour by nipping the problem in the bud and using quiet time. (please see the guidelines on my website)

• With regards to the tipping things over, would you consider her behaviour more like a tantrum for not getting her own way? If so check out my tantrum video has loads of tips for you.  http://www.childbehaviourdirect.com/stop-tantrums-video-2954.html 

A few weeks later I had some really nice feedback from the same mom saying that the tips had worked a treat which is always great to know…

Have you had similar experiences with your children?  Let me know if you use these tips and how you get on, please leave your comments belowJ

Best wishes

Ruth